Back to work [jonathan]

I'm going back to work "fulltime" this week. I was supposed to take two weeks off for paternity leave, but I ended up going into the office most of the days anyways . It's been frustrating because I wanted to spend more time at home with Akemi. They say these first few weeks are critical because it's during this time the baby connects with those who are around her the most. Those days I didn't go into work, I would try to stay up more at night and help Karen with the feedings and diaper changes. If Akemi got really fussy, I would take her out of the room and keep her occupied so Karen could get a few hours of sleep. Although it was tough, I felt very close to Akemi. I felt like I had a big role in her daily activities. I actually didn't mind changing the diapers because it was my time with her!

But the days that I went into work, I was more tired and I couldn't keep myself up at night to help. This meant I had less time with Akemi. She sleeps most of the time and typically is most active in the afternoon. So when I get home, she is already asleep.

The part that really frustrates me is that I work for the family business. I run an independent division of the company. We had a really successful 2007 with increased sales and newly developed business. I felt like I put in alot of time, including time "outside" of the office. I paid my dues. Yet when I told my parents that I wanted to work from home when the baby was born so I could be closer to her--they looked at me like I was crazy. They reluctantly allowed me to work from home, but basically it was frowned upon. I'm sure it was partly because they did not want to have the other employees feel like I was getting preferential treatment. To that I say "Who gives a crap what other people think". Let them do their job and I will do mine.

Lately I have been feeling less connected to Akemi. I feel more like a sub now than a full time player in her life since I am not around all the time. We introduced the bottle this weekend which was nice because it was one more thing I could be involved. I am looking forward to when Akemi can really start interacting with us. I may have to just demand that my parents allow me to have more flexible hours. My own family (Akemi, Karen) are more important than worrying about other people.